“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.

Brené Brown

One of the most common issues I work with clients on is getting better at boundaries. Very often women come to me knowing that they need help with this topic. But equally as often, they don’t realise that the problems that they are unhappy with are due, at least in part, to poor boundary setting.

How Do You Know If You Need Help With Boundaries?

You might need to work on how to set and maintain boundaries if you find that you:

• are constantly busy and rushing around
• find it difficult to say no to people
• take on too much at work
• end up doing everything, or more than your fair share at home
• struggle with a work-life balance,
• simply don’t have time to do the basics things to keep yourself functioning well, like drinking enough fluids throughout the day, sleeping properly/enough, eating a meal without rushing (or eating at all)
• are feeling resentful, put-upon, or annoyed a lot of the time
• you find it difficult to make a decision, or feel that you don’t really know who you are and what you want to do (in small things as well as the bigger picture)
• don’t feel in control of your life, more reactive than proactive, with no time to stop and decide what proactive might look like for you

Why Get Better At Setting Boundaries?

Firstly, to counter any of the problems from the list above!

Secondly, because there will be many consequences as a result of not setting and maintaining boundaries.

Thirdly, you will be able to start looking after yourself better – if that’s something that you need to do. You may feel tired, depleted of inner energy, not quite yourself. Better boundaries will help you to sort all of these out and more!

Fourthly, you will be able to re-discover who you are, what you want from life, and you will be able to communicate all of this with those around you, and take the steps you want to take to live the life you want to live.

Ultimately, you will grow in confidence and feel empowered!

What Are Boundaries?

• They are our rules of life and of engagement with others
• They are what teaches people where our lines or limitations are, how we want to be treated, spoken to or about, what we’re willing to do and not do.
• They tell the world who we are
• The determine how we want to experience ourselves in a relationship

This is really important! Boundaries are not to punish others

They are to protect your energy, your health, your emotions, your safety and your relationships. They are to protect your energy. They allow people to know who you are, and they give you more choice and more autonomy in the world.

What’s Next?

Once you know you need to improve on boundary setting, it’s important to explore some things around boundaries and the situations where you might need to improve. These are the things we discuss during coaching:

• Your current beliefs around boundaries and what it means to set them
• What you can learn from times and situations where yo’ve been good at setting and defending your boundaries
• What the consequences are to yourself and others of not setting and defending your boundaries

It’s then a good idea to identify one small area to practice on, to decide what your boundary will be, and most importantly, why! Then you can proceed to set, communicate, and maintain your boundary in this area.

And finally, my top tips to getting better at setting boundaries: Stop running around, replenish yourself, then start small, seek support from others to help you in setting and maintaining your new boundaries.

If you need help with boundary setting and would like to explore this further in a coaching space, do get in touch and arrange a chat. Or you can find out more about my online course here.

What are your thoughts or questions? Let me know below