In order to really step things up and to make further improvements you probably need to start saying ‘No’ more often!
Are your ‘no’s’ a bit like this one? Full of lot’s of yes’s?
What does this mean? Well, it means two things.
Firstly there are the times when your brain says ‘Say no!’ and your mouth blurts out ‘YES!’ Ever had that happen?
Then there are the times you say ‘No’. But it’s with so little conviction that some people might somehow know that if they push you they will convince you to give in and say ‘yes’. I’m sure you’ve come across someone like that before.
The first thing you can do is learn to give yourself some space. When asked if you can do something, put a longer gap between being asked and giving your response so that you can really think about whether you do or don’t want to do it.
(Sometimes when we get going with this ‘no’ word we can get carried away and so no to something we later realise we would have liked to do – really, it does happen!) A good way to do this is to have a stock answer (or 2). Like,
“oh, that date rings a bell, I think I’m committed, let me check and get back to you.”
They don’t need to know who you have to check with or what the commitment is.
Small Steps To Start Saying No
- Practice this the next time something comes up for you, however small.
- Make a commitment to yourself to actually start saying ‘No’ when you mean it. you don’t need to apologise or give reasons. But if you want to avoid the ‘N’ word completely try saying somethign like,
“That sounds interesting, but that’s not going to work for me. I hope it goes well.’
- Make a list now of things you regularly agree to do that you would rather not. Then keep it somewhere safe and refer to back to it every now and again. With these in the forefront of your mind you should find it easier to start putting some boundaries in place with your new-found friend – the word ‘No’.
If you’re really struggling with this and are finding that you’re run ragged from all of your commitments and are feeling walked all over consider some coaching around boundary setting and putting yourself first. Even (perhaps expecially) if it involves your nearest and dearest. I am happy to have a free no-obligation conversation with you to discuss what you’re struggling with and how you cold help yourself to change things. Just get in touch here.
Womens Coach, Trainer, Speaker & Author
Combining a spiritual outlook, a pragmatic approach, and a sense of humour Helen seeks to help you to understand, accept and develop your true self and be the best person you can be – flaws and all.
What are your thoughts or questions? Let me know below