Self Doubt, Imposter Syndrome, Not Good Enough, Someone Else Is Better
Need I go on?
We all get hit by the Lack of Confidence bug from time to time. But how do we get over it and feel more confident more of the time?
And how do we get on without feeling like a fraud?
This subject is huge so this is just the tip of the iceberg but here are the three things I believe make the biggest difference. They take time and commitment, and an openess from you about certain things. First of all let’s cover those. You need to be prepared to:
- Ask for and receive constructive criticism and feedback – don’t panic the chances are it’s going to be better than you think!
- Take your time – yes we are used to instant everything but competence and confidence take time, so please persevere
- Feel a little vulnerable. It’s going to happen so expect it, embrace it and be kind to yourself.
- Change and improve; even though you may lack confidence in your skills you may be resistant to change, start to let go of that now.
- Allow yourself to feel good about yourself.
- Allow yourself to feel brave and courageous.
- Allow yourself to be proud and be confident (if you don’t, confidence will elude you)
You have permission to be amazing and confident, so let’s get started.
Here Are My Top Tips For Having More Confidence
- Familiarity – You need to know your subject inside and out. That means you use your products, your tools, your resources. If you recommend something, you do so from your own experience. If you’re a coach, get coached, preferably in the same manner in which you coach others. Walk the walk. We have all met people who don’t. Do they feel congruent to you? Would you use a Personal Trainer who looked unfit or couldn’t keep up with you? I didn’ join a gym earlier this year because the sales person who was showing us round said she didn’t use any of the gym services, ate and drank too much and was clearly not a gym goer. Shallow in my part? Maybe. But it just didn’t feel congruent. You need to know how something works and what the pitfalls are so you can steer your client or customer in the right direction to ensure their success as much as possible. You need to lead by example. When you feel congruent and capable, you feel more confident. Action point: Is there something you sell, advocate or encourage that you have never actually experienced? You know what to do now, right? Go try it. Properly. Make mistakes, faulter with it, hate it. It doesn’t matter so long as you try it and can then talk about it with authentic honesty.
- Flying Hours – Keep doing what you’re doing. The more you do it the more confident you will feel with it. The term comes from pilot training. They need to log, not just a certain amount of study or training time but a certain amount of actual flying time in order to qualify as a pilot. (I’m sure they also have to take exams etc.) Think about when you learnt to drive a car. How many hours did you learn with an instructor? And then what happened when you passed your test… did you know everything? Of course not, you were just getting started. It takes time and practice, behind the wheel, in many different scenarios and weather situations to be able to drive competently and confidently. Your test is just the beginning. Action point: Just keep going, work with more people, get your flying hours up, even if that means doing voluntary work for a short while.
- Feedback – Asking for feedback can be hard. We hope for it to be all positive, but we often expect it to be negative! The reality is it is probably going to be a bit of both, at least ot begin with. The trick is to learn not to focus on the negative. Also remember that you don’t have to agree with someone, or change something if you feel they’re wrong or that the change isn’t necssary. Confidence is also about standing your ground and knowing when you’re correct! Once you are on the go and really flying, testimonial are the way forward. These REALLY focus on the positive and I would encourage you to ask for them to as in-depth as possible (also great for marketing if you’re self-emplyed). When you truly immerse yourself in the words your clients use, and the change you have helped to facilitate your should see your confidence soar. I recently put this post in Linkedin and the feedback and engagement it got was phenomenal.
Here’s the trick though, you must immerse yourself in them:
“I read through them, absorbed myself in their words and their transformations. I took ownership of the part I’d played and acknowledged the wonderful things that happened for them because they had worked with me.”
Because then you know that the work you do makes a powerful difference.
And this will give your confidence such a boost you will feel you can do anything. Action point: 1) Ask one person you trust and admire for genuine, gentle feedback and have a discussion with them around it, find one way you could improve yourself. 2) Ask a client for a testimonial (or go back to one you already have) and immerse yourself in their words and transformations. Experience the feelings that this gives you and be proud of your part in their journey. (Why not share this with your coach, a colleague or supoprtive family member?)
Please do try out these tips. And share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.
And if you need some help with this, please do not hesitate to get in touch. I am more than happy to do a quick call and see if I can help.
P.S. If you’re confidence could do with some extra 121 help, you can use this button to book a free 45minute call with me:
Womens Coach, Trainer, Speaker & Author
Combining a spiritual outlook, a pragmatic approach, and a sense of humour Helen seeks to help you to understand, accept and develop your true self and be the best person you can be – flaws and all.
What are your thoughts or questions? Let me know below